Novena

He told me to wait—told us to wait—so I’m waiting. 

Some days, it feels more like hiding, when my heart just wants to shrivel up in my chest, and my mind is a tempest of a million horrible “what ifs” and “if onlys”, and I feel like I should want to go face them all with courage now, but I don’t, and I can’t, and guilt accuses me.

But He told me to wait. So, I’m waiting.

Other days, I convince myself that I do have that courage, when my heart feels like it’s blazing with the memory of all He said and did, when my mind is full of a million wonderful, horrible “what ifs” that I’m surely strong enough to face now, and I want to, but I don’t, and I can’t. 

Because He told me to wait. So, I’m waiting.

Some days, I’m just plain bored. I’m sick of waiting and praying and nothing happening, and I start to wonder if maybe we already missed whatever it is we’re waiting for. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe everyone else already has it, and that’s why they all seem so content in their prayer. 

Maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen—I’m supposed to just get used to this, become enraptured in prayer or something—and I’ll be here for the rest of my life. Then part of me wants to get up and leave, go do something else while I wait, or give up on it altogether and accept failure. 

But he said to wait. He said a few days. I trust Him. So, I’m waiting.

I wait and I pray and I fail, and it is good. Because this is where I have permission to be as stubborn and obstinate as I need to be.

I’m still here because I am a stubborn, foolish, prideful person who is too afraid to do anything else…and because I love Him.

He said to wait.

So, I’m waiting.

© Hannah Wood 2026